Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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