he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Floor bacon is actually really good
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
