i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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