i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
