I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize