dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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