Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
