so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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