haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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