Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Did I show you my penis last night?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
They have beer where we have blood.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
