I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
