HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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