I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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