good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
