I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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