We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
