She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
