Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
