Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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