So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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