Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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