I faked an abortion last night.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
