Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
