If i come over, it means nothing
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I need to stop coming to work sober
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
