I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize