Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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