Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
