Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
