Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Randomize
