im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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