just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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