Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
