dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
