He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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