They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
