and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
