did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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