There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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