my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
