i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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