That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
