They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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