So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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