i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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