How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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