running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
