awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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