I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
