im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
