i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
