in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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