Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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