OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
