So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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