just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
