U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
