Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can you bring me the toilet please
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
