She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
