You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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