Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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