i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
